Friday , February 21 2020
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Australian police don’t like Nickelback

The Queensland Police force has issued a warning for Australians, since the common civilian Down Under already has to risk their lives the moment they step outdoors.

Police are on the lookout for these men who are believed to be impersonating musicians around Boondall this evening. Avoid the area. It may be hazardous to your hearing and street cred.

Nickelback is wanted for “crimes against music” in the city of Brisbane, and anyone who has spotted them since their concert has been encouraged to report it to the authorities. They kicked off their “No Fixed Address Tour” on May 19th.


This is far from the first time Nickelback has earned public scorn before even plucking a guitar string or performing a mic check. During the Grey Cup halftime in 2011, the crowd booed so much that the band performed only one song before scurrying away.

While Nickelback fans do exist — and a fairly rare breed they are — many people around the globe have applauded the Queensland Police for looking out for the safety of the Australian people. After a long day of dodging clock spiders hiding in their shoes and violent kangaroo fights in their driveways, the last thing most Australians need is a Canadian with respiratory problems grunting something about mistakes.

According to a recent survey, Nickelback has the smartest lyrics in rock music. However, no one was available for comment since the scientists who researched and took apart the mythological properties of Nickelback had mysteriously passed away soon after.

Keep on guard, Brisbane — and maybe a pair of earmuffs!

About Ruth R.J.

Ruth R.J.
R.J. is a writer, photographer, au naturel comedienne, professional slacker and food hustler from Ottawa, Canada. A multi-talented woman with a great track record for saving the world in style, she regularly squanders it all playing horror survival games (while totally not crying). Contact Ruth: